Tuesday, January 27, 2004

Blogging With Mr. Henshaw

Dear Mr. Henshaw,

I can't tell you how I really feel because half the internet is reading. But well, you know, today is going pretty good. I had orange juice and toast for breakfast. No non-fat yogurt for me! I am really excited about the rest of my life because it seems like it will be such a solid, stark contrast to the pre-rest of my life. I wonder if other people feel the same? I was walking down the street today and this guy would not get out of my way, so I ... well, let's just say I had very impolite thoughts about him, and they might have included references to his inbred mental deficiencies. I hope that doesn't offend any of my ret-... retired readers out there!

A funny thing happened in the bathroom today, ... anywhoo ... what else to say? I am getting nervous about some of the crap that's going on in my life, but I'm kind of afraid to talk about them here because I know half the internet is reading. I mean, did I say afraid? I'm not afraid of anything - come on! I am an American! Not that I have anything against any Anti-Americans who may be reading (hi, Osama, I read your journal, it was hot!), but suffice to say I wouldn't want to show any weakness here, that would be embarrassing, and I've heard rumors that identity thieves prey upon weak internet victims.

This ... friend of mine ... is having a lot of trouble with his job. His boss is a total A-HOLE and won't shut the hell up. Or so he says. I mean, what would I do in that situation? I'll tell you what I'd do, I'd take my fu-bleeping keyboard and shove it up his fruity patootie, that's what. I'd get up out of my desk right this minute and walk over to his office and I'd give him a piece of my mind. Why I ought to... tell my friend how I feel about that.

One but not both of my parents (are you there? I love you!) are driving me up the wall! I can't believe him/her! When is s/he going to leave me alone and let me live my own life? Suffice to say the OTHER parent is fantastic! I love them both but s/he has always been my favorite (hi!). Anyway, if you are reading, mom, dad but not both, we should really talk this out because it's eroding our relationship. I would tell you how I really feel, but half the internet is reading!

With cordial but not lovey-dovey feelings, your friend,


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